Beth K. Vogt is a talented writer, and a woman with a heart for people that is second to none. I had the pleasure of working with Beth when she released her debut novel five years ago and it was joy to be a tiny part of the beginning of her writing journey. I’m so excited to read her new release, Things I Never Told You, the first novel in her new Women’s Fiction series with Tyndale House. This is a story about sisters and aside from loving Beth’s writing, as I have a sister and three daughters, I’m already invested! Be sure to enter the giveaway below for your chance to win a copy of Things I Never Told You.

Thank you, Beth, for this moving feature on sisters.

*****

I have two sisters: a fraternal twin sister and a younger sister.

Our relationships are, to say the least, complicated.

We’ve experienced seasons of closeness, where we celebrated one another’s successes and enjoyed long talks on the phone—I live in Colorado, while both of my sisters live on the East Coast—and looked forward to the occasional holidays we spent together.

We’ve also experienced seasons of struggle—misunderstandings and anger and tears—where differences have divided us and we’ve stood on opposite sides of family issues.

Right now, we’re in an extended season of struggle, which is probably why I’ve written and rewritten this blog post half a dozen times. It’s one thing to plot complicated dynamics between imaginary sisters in my new novel, Things I Never Told You. It’s quite another thing to write about real-life sister relationships.

My life.

Authors are told to write what we know. But just because I know about complicated sister relationships, that doesn’t mean I know how to uncomplicate them. If I did, things would be different between me and my two sisters.

So many things snarl sister relationships. Birth order. Family culture. Personalities. The following trio of quotes sums up the polar opposite views about sisters:

“Sisters, as you know, also have a unique relationship. This is the person who has known you your entire life, who should love you and stand by you no matter what, and yet it’s your sister who knows exactly where to drive the knife to hurt you the most.” ~Linda See (1955-), author

“Sisters may share the same mother and father but appear to come from different families.” ~Unknown

“You may be as different as the sun and the moon, but the same blood flows through both your hearts. You need her, as she needs you.” ~George R. R. Martin (1948-), novelist

So why is being sisters so complicated?

• We are family. (That goes without saying, right?)

There’s no denying the family tie between sisters. And yet, let’s be honest: a family relationship doesn’t guarantee a loving relationship with another person. Sometimes family ties bind us together in some very unhealthy ways. Yet we often hear the statement “we’re family” as the ultimate reason to overlook transgressions against one another. The words “we’re family” or “we’re sisters” shouldn’t be used as an excuse to overlook things that need to be dealt with: neglect, anger, abuse, manipulation, unforgiveness.

• It’s birth order, baby.

Sisters identify themselves as the oldest or the middle or the youngest sister—no matter how old they get. Even with my twin sister, I will often say I’m four minutes older than her, and she’ll dismiss the difference of age, saying she let me be born first. (Laughter all around. It’s a family joke. I mean, what’s four minutes, right?) Once again, we know our place in the family, and birth order has a tendency to produce certain personality traits. Firstborns are leaders; middle children are negotiators; youngest children are often considered risk takers. Our personalities influence our relationships with our sisters, pitting a strong-willed sister against a more easygoing one, or designating the peacemaker as the go-between when two other sisters don’t get along.

• We know too much.

Life is about growing up—leaving childhood behind and becoming a (hopefully) mature adult. But our sisters know all about us. Every awkward childhood phase. Every please-let-me-forget embarrassing moment. Every rite of passage. School days. Holidays. Family vacations. Friendships. Romances. Things your parents know . . . and things they don’t. Sisters know all this and can be your safe place . . . or they can be a threat. There’s a difference between cherishing family memories—having fun reminiscing around the table with shared laughter—and using a sister’s past to control or humiliate her.

There’s a necessary balancing act between sisters. A need to see one another for who they were and who they have become. It’s true that the relationship between sisters never ends. Once a sister, always a sister. But people do change—or one would hope that we do. We learn more about ourselves. We better understand our values. We, perhaps, learn that there is life outside the boundary lines of family. But if sisters don’t acknowledge that they have changed—if they don’t provide emotional breathing space and respect one another as they grow up—then their relationships will be undermined by distrust and doubt and an unwillingness or inability to understand one another.

As for my relationship with my own sisters, it’s governed by the truth “. . . so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men” (Romans 12:18, nasb). For now, I’ve done what I could to find peace with them . . . a peace that respects my values and that doesn’t invalidate me. I also recognize that there are two other sides to this “sisters are complicated” story.

To be continued . . . as most stories are.

Thank you, Beth, for sharing so deeply about the bonds, and struggles, of sisterhood.

It’s been ten years since Payton Thatcher’s twin sister died in an accident, leaving the entire family to cope in whatever ways they could. No longer half of a pair, Payton reinvents herself as a partner in a successful party-planning business and is doing just fine—as long as she manages to hold her memories and her family at arm’s length.

But with her middle sister Jillian’s engagement, Payton’s party-planning skills are called into action. Which means working alongside her opinionated oldest sister, Johanna, who always seems ready for a fight. They can only hope that a wedding might be just the occasion to heal the resentment and jealousy that divides them . . . until a frightening diagnosis threatens Jillian’s plans and her future. As old wounds are reopened and the family faces the possibility of another tragedy, the Thatchers must decide if they will pull together or be driven further apart.

Beth K. Vogt is a nonfiction author and editor who said she’d never write fiction. She’s the wife of an Air Force family physician (now in solo practice) who said she’d never marry a doctor—or anyone in the military. She’s a mom of four who said she’d never have kids. Now Beth believes God’s best often waits behind doors marked Never. Things I Never Told You, releasing May 2018, is Beth’s first novel in her women’s fiction series for Tyndale House Publishers.

Beth is a 2016 Christy Award winner, a 2016 ACFW Carol Award winner, and a 2015 RITA Award finalist. Her 2014 novel, Somebody Like You, was one of Publishers Weekly’s Best Books of 2014. Having authored nine contemporary romance novels or novellas, Beth believes there’s more to happily ever after than the fairy tales tell us.

An established magazine writer and former editor of the leadership magazine for MOPS International, Beth blogs for Novel Rocket and also enjoys speaking to writers’ groups and mentoring other writers. She lives in Colorado with her husband, Rob, who has adjusted to discussing the lives of imaginary people, and their youngest daughter, Christa, who loves to play volleyball and enjoys writing her own stories. Connect with Beth at bethvogt.com.

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